Keeping Your Sanity Intact with Boundaries and a DASH of humor

The holidays—bright lights, cheerful music, cozy family gatherings… and just a hint of chaos. Whether you’re fending off Aunt Carol’s relentless questions about your love life or trying to figure out how all the lights got tangled (again), this season can quickly go from merry to “send help.” If you’ve ever found yourself counting down the minutes until dessert as a survival tactic, you’re not alone.

In fact, 64% of people with mental health conditions say the holidays make things harder (NAMI, 2014). Between the packed schedules, interrupted routines, and a never-ending to-do list, it’s easy to feel like you’re starring in your own Hallmark holiday drama—minus the romantic subplot. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to survive the season on stress and sugar cookies alone. Enter psychological safety and its BFF, boundaries.

What’s Psychological Safety, and Why Does It Matter?

Psychological safety is like a warm, fuzzy holiday blanket for your mind. It’s the magic that makes you feel safe to be your wonderfully authentic, perfectly imperfect self without judgment. When you create a space of psychological safety, you’re giving yourself permission to say, “This is what I need,” and trust that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.

Spoiler alert: boundaries are your secret weapon for making this happen. They’re not about shutting people out—they’re about building better connections that work for everyone, including you. As Brené Brown says, boundaries are simply “what’s okay and what’s not okay.” And who doesn’t love a little clarity during the holiday chaos?

How to Set Boundaries Without Starting a Snowball Fight

Setting boundaries can feel awkward—especially when family dynamics are involved. But trust me, you can do it without turning dinner into an episode of Family Feud. Here’s how:

1. Figure Out What You Need (a.k.a. What Drives You Bonkers)

Take a moment to reflect: What holiday scenarios make your eye twitch? Maybe it’s last-minute plans, endless hosting duties, or unsolicited advice. Whatever it is, identify the stress points and think about what would make them more manageable.

2. Communicate Like a Pro

Boundaries work best when they’re clear and kind. Instead of saying, “Stop stressing me out!” (tempting, I know), try something like:

• “I’d really appreciate a heads-up before you stop by—it helps me feel more prepared.”

• “I’ll be leaving by 9 PM tonight—I need my beauty sleep to survive tomorrow’s chaos!”

The key is to keep it short, sweet, and solution-focused.

3. Try the Magic Formula

Here’s a handy way to express your boundaries without sounding like a Grinch:
“I feel [emotion] when [situation], because [reason]. I need [solution].”
For example:

• “I feel overwhelmed when I host Christmas dinner because it’s so much work. I need help with either setup or cleanup to make it more manageable.”

This approach keeps things about your needs, not their faults—because drama is so last season.

4. Practice Makes Progress

Boundaries are a skill, not a holiday miracle. Start small, be consistent, and give yourself grace if it doesn’t go perfectly. Remember: even Santa has a learning curve (those chimneys didn’t climb themselves).

5. Celebrate Your Wins

Managed to say “no” to something you didn’t want to do? Held your ground on leaving early? That’s a win, my friend. Write it down, high-five yourself, or treat yourself to an extra cookie. You’ve earned it.

Keep It Inclusive: Psychological Safety Is a Group Project

Boundaries aren’t just for you—they’re for everyone. Creating psychological safety means being mindful of others’ needs too. Use inclusive language, avoid assumptions, and, most importantly, listen. When you model empathy, others tend to mirror it back. It’s like holiday magic, but better.

This Year, Let the Holidays Work for You

The holidays don’t have to be perfect—they just have to feel good for you. By setting boundaries, practicing empathy, and embracing psychological safety, you’re not just surviving the season; you’re making it better for everyone involved. Imagine a holiday where you feel respected, supported, and, dare I say it, relaxed. That’s the goal.

So, what’s your go-to strategy for setting boundaries during family gatherings? Share your tips in the comments and help others navigate the season with their sanity intact.

Here’s to a holiday season full of joy, laughter, and exactly zero guilt about saying “no.” Cheers to you!