Surviving Valentine’s Day After Divorce: Lessons from a divorced psychiatrist
Let’s be real—Valentine’s Day after a divorce sucks. Last year, you were part of a couple (even if it was only happy-ish). This year, it’s just little old you. Maybe you’re heartbroken and unsure of what’s next. Or maybe you’re celebrating your newfound freedom—and if that’s the case, cheers to you!
But if you’re anything like I was, that first Valentine’s Day post-divorce stings. It’s like the whole world decided to bombard you with reminders that you’re not sipping champagne with your soulmate. Instead, you’re at home in jogging pants, eating takeout, half-watching a rom-com while scrolling through Instagram, where every second post is a perfectly curated highlight reel of everyone else’s love story.
And that’s when your mind starts feeding you garbage like “You’re unloveable” or “You’ll always be alone.”
When my marriage ended, it felt like the ground had been ripped out from under me. I went from being part of a team to suddenly feeling like I’d failed, both personally and professionally. The first Valentine’s Day after my divorce was brutal. Memories of past celebrations—good, bad, and everything in between—flooded back. But the hardest part wasn’t the memories. It was my own thoughts.
I sat on my couch, scrolling through social media, feeling completely untethered and totally unloveable. And trust me, it didn’t help that I’m a psychiatrist who should’ve known better. Even with all the tools and training I have, my brain went there anyway.
How I Survived Valentine’s Day After Divorce—and How You Can Too
I’m not going to lie—a bubble bath or some good chocolate won’t magically fix everything. What did help was rewriting the script. I stopped waiting for closure and started taking ownership—of my role in the relationship, its end, and most importantly, my story. I decided to take back control, even of this overly hyped holiday.
If you’re dreading February 14, here’s how you can survive it—and maybe even come out stronger on the other side.
1. Feel the Feels (But Don’t Drown in Them)
The worst thing you can do is ignore the hurt. It will catch up with you—trust me. Let yourself feel sad, angry, or nostalgic. Give those feelings space without judging yourself for having them. Journaling, walking it out, or talking to a friend who gets it can help.
But don’t get stuck there. Set a timer if you have to. Feel all the things for 20 minutes—then shift gears.
2. Detox from Social Media
Social media is a highlight reel, not real life. You’ll see engagements, romantic getaways, and #blessed captions that feel like emotional landmines. Spare yourself. Log off for the day. Delete the app if you need to. Nothing on Instagram is more important than protecting your peace.
3. Make It About Self-Love (Not Just Lip Service)
I know, I know—“self-love” sounds like a cliché. But hear me out. What if Valentine’s Day became a celebration of you?
Think about it. What relationship is more important than the one you have with yourself? That relationship deserves some serious recognition. There’s literally no downside to loving yourself.
Why not start loving the sh*t out of yourself today?
4. Create a New Tradition
The best way to stop Valentine’s Day from feeling like a painful reminder of the past is to create something new.
Invite your single friends over for a movie marathon or wine-and-cheese night. Plan a solo adventure. Write a letter to your future self, filled with everything you’re proud of and the dreams you’re building.
At the very least, get out of your pajamas and leave the house for 10 minutes.
5. Remember: You’re Not Alone
It’s easy to feel isolated when it seems like everyone is coupled up. But trust me—you’re not the only one riding out the storm of heartbreak.
So reach out. Send a text to a friend. Join an online support group. Connect with others who get it. You don’t have to carry this day alone.
The Bottom Line: Valentine’s Day is Just One Day
It’s okay if February 14 feels like a speed bump in your healing journey. But it’s just one day in a life that’s full of possibility, growth, and love—the kind of love that starts with you.
You’ve got this.