WHY BOUNDARIES ARE BETTER THAN PROZAC

Learn why this top psychiatrist prescribes boundaries more than medications, and discover a 3-step approach to implementing healthy boundaries

As a psychiatrist, I have the incredible privilege of exploring how people treat themselves, others, and the world around them. Depending on various factors—like diagnosis, past treatments, family history, current medications, or other medical conditions—I may recommend and prescribe medication. Sometimes, the medication I prescribe works wonders. Sometimes, it comes without side effects.

One thing I always recommend, though? Boundaries. Always. When done right, they work. And when done right, the side effects are minimal.

Here’s a conversation I frequently have with clients: Me (psychiatrist): “How are you with boundaries?” Client: “What are boundaries?” Or, Client: “Ummmmm... (checking email during a psychiatric assessment) ... I’m great at boundaries!”

A huge misconception I encounter often is that setting boundaries is selfish. Let me be clear—it’s not. Full stop. If doctors didn’t set boundaries, we’d be seeing patients 24/7, around the clock. Is it selfish for my colleagues and me to sleep, eat, exercise, and live our lives? Absolutely not. So why would it be selfish for you?

I tell my clients that boundaries are like skin. They protect our emotional well-being the way skin protects our bodies. Without skin, we’re vulnerable to infection, sepsis, and death. Without healthy boundaries—ones that are consistent, clear, intentional, and practiced—we’re vulnerable to burnout, depression, anxiety, illness, and even death.

Here’s my simple, 3-step guide to setting healthy boundaries:

Step 1: Identify the Need

If you feel overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted, dissatisfied with your work, overworked, or unsure about your relationships, take a hard look at your boundaries. If you suspect boundaries are an issue, they are. If your boundaries are strong in one area but unclear in another, ask yourself why you treat yourself better in one space and neglect yourself in another. People treat you how you treat yourself.

Step 2: Determine Your Boundaries

Your body knows when your boundaries—emotional, mental, or physical—are being crossed. Pay attention. You know that nagging gut feeling? I call it the ICK feeling. It’s that sense that something isn’t right, but you’re not acting on it. That ‘ICK’ feeling is your body’s way of saying something’s off. Your brain may try to rationalize it away, but trust that ICK feeling—it’s primal. If you’ve lost touch with what your body’s telling you, reconnect through mindfulness, meditation, or exercise.

Step 3: Practice

Recalibrating your boundaries isn’t easy. If you’ve spent 95% of your life (say, 43 years of a 45-year-old’s life) with inconsistent or unhealthy boundaries, you won’t get it perfect the first time. Practice. Start by choosing one boundary to work on. Write it down. Put it in your phone, your calendar, your journal, or even on your forehead if you have to. Keep reminding yourself why you’re setting this boundary. How will it serve you? How will it help you create the life you truly want?

How will setting consistent, clear, purposeful boundaries add value to your life? How will it help you live the life you’ve been dreaming of?